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"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -- and you are the easiest person to fool." Richard Feynman, Nobel Prize winning physicist

The moment I felt my real feelings, back in a Native American healing in 2016, I discovered what a great liar I was. Lonely, depressed, desperate... the lowest of the low... No matter how my life looked to anyone else the only thing that mattered was being real with myself.

But I was still lying, so poetically, so romantically, tricking myself, that my lies grew even more dangerous.

Luckily life protected me from myself, from acting on what I thought was real. Instead I got on a plane to Spain and started hiking, each step bringing me closer to the truth, which I would finally understand on the other side of the world.