{"id":14404,"date":"2024-03-29T12:13:51","date_gmt":"2024-03-29T10:13:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/?p=14404"},"modified":"2024-03-29T12:13:52","modified_gmt":"2024-03-29T10:13:52","slug":"ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis\/","title":{"rendered":"Ar jus lydi kaltinan\u010dio t\u0117vo re\u017eimas? Kaip keisti \u012fgrisusius elgesio modelius \u2013\u00a0knyga \u201eMetas keistis\u201c"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Daugel\u012f m\u016bs\u0173 lydi tro\u0161kimas keistis. Neretai nujau\u010diame mus erzinan\u010dius m\u0105stymo ir elgesio \u012fpro\u010dius, ta\u010diau ne\u017einome, kaip j\u0173 atsikratyti. Vokietijoje ir Nyderlanduose bestseleriu tapusioje saviugdos knygoje \u201eMetas keistis. I\u0161tr\u016bk i\u0161 neigiam\u0173 m\u0105stymo ir elgesio sp\u0105st\u0173<\/a>\u201c garsios klinikin\u0117s psichologijos specialist\u0117s Gitta Jacob<\/a>, Hannie van Genderen<\/a> ir Laura Seebauer<\/a> pristato schem\u0173 terapij\u0105, kurios tikslas \u2013 i\u0161mokti atpa\u017einti pasikartojan\u010dius savo m\u0105stymo ir elgesio modelius, suprasti, kaip jie susidar\u0117, ir \u017eengti pirmuosius \u017eingsnius labiau tenkinan\u010dio gyvenimo link.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Lietuvi\u0161kai pasirod\u017eiusioje knygoje skaitytojai ras patarim\u0173, \u012fsimintin\u0173 schem\u0173 terapij\u0105 i\u0161band\u017eiusi\u0173 \u017emoni\u0173 istorij\u0173 ir kruop\u0161\u010diai parengt\u0173 u\u017eduo\u010di\u0173, kurias atlikdami gal\u0117s geriau suvokti tikruosius savo poreikius ir prad\u0117ti spr\u0119sti kamuojan\u010dias emocines problemas. \u0160i knyga sudomins ne tik terapij\u0105 lankan\u010dius, bet ir ja besidomin\u010dius.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kvie\u010diame skaityti knygos i\u0161trauk\u0105.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Ir s\u030ciuo atveju asmeniui keliami dideli reikalavimai, tik s\u030ci\u0328kart jie susije\u0328 su tuo, kaip jis ture\u0307tu\u0328 jaustis ir elgtis tam tikrose socialine\u0307se situacijose. Z\u030cmone\u0307s, kuriems bu\u0304dinga s\u030ci vidine\u0307 bu\u0304sena, manosi privala\u0328 viska\u0328 daryti de\u0307l kitu\u0328, niekada nieko nekritikuoti ir bu\u0304ti malonu\u0304s. Jie tariasi esa\u0328 atsakingi uz\u030c gera\u0328 kitu\u0328 savijauta\u0328. Jei tuo nepasiru\u0304pina, apima kalte\u0307s jausmas. Z\u030cmone\u0307ms, kuriu\u0328 profesija susijusi su socialiniu darbu, kaip antai gydytojams, psichoterapeutams, socialiniams darbuotojams, slaugytojams, labai daz\u030cnai bu\u0304dingas kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pavyzdys<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anita dirba psichoterapeute ir klientai ja\u0328 labai myli. Ji puikiai geba i\u0328sijausti i\u0328 kito z\u030cmogaus pade\u0307ti\u0328, suprasti jo be\u0307das, ji\u0328 palaikyti, padra\u0328sinti ir pralinksminti. Tac\u030ciau Anita daz\u030cnai junta, kad jai nepavyksta atsiriboti nuo kitu\u0328, net kai to labai reikia. Tas pats pasakytina ir apie<\/em> darba\u0328, ir apie asmenini\u0328 gyvenima\u0328. Ji visais ru\u0304pinasi, nors suvokia, kad jai to per daug. Bet atsisakiusi tai daryti pasijunta kalta ir nemylima. Anitos mama kente\u0307 nuo depresijos. Uz\u030ce\u0307jus ligai, ji uz\u030csiskle\u0328sdavo nuo viso pasaulio, net savo vaikus atstumdavo. Anita vis stengdavosi ja\u0328 pralinksminti ar bent menkiausia\u0328 s\u030cypsene\u0307le\u0328 is\u030cspausti. Tode\u0307l ir dabar jai atrodo, kad yra atsakinga uz\u030c kitu\u0328 savijauta\u0328, jeigu nepasiru\u0304pins, kad visi ja\u0328 supantys z\u030cmone\u0307s bu\u0304tu\u0328 laimingi ir patenkinti, niekas jos nemyle\u0307s.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

PARENTIFIKACIJA<\/strong>. Anitos atvejis \u2013 tipis\u030ckas pavyzdys, kaip susiformuoja kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas. Psichikos liga (paprastai depresija) sergantis te\u0307vas emociniu poz\u030ciu\u0304riu daz\u030cniausiai bu\u0304na itin reiklus. Tuomet vaikas nuo maz\u030cens jauc\u030ciasi atsakingas uz\u030c kitus, ypac\u030c uz\u030c ju\u0328 nuotaikas ir gera\u0328 savijauta\u0328. Jei asmuo serga psichikos liga, kiti s\u030ceimos nariai nuo to pavargsta ir atsiriboja. Tokiu atveju, pavyzdz\u030ciui, dukra lieka viena su mama; jai tenka pareiga pakelti mamai nuotaika\u0328. Psichologai toki\u0328 reis\u030ckini\u0328 vadina \u2192 parentifikacija, kai vaikas per
anksti imasi suaugusiojo vaidmens, ypac\u030c socialine\u0307je ir emocine\u0307je srityje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Panas\u030ciai gali nutikti te\u0307vams skiriantis, kai vaikas tampa tarsi s\u030ciuks\u030cliu\u0328 de\u0307z\u030ce\u0307 \u2013 vienas is\u030c te\u0307vu\u0328 jam is\u030clieja visa\u0328 savo nepasitenkinima\u0328 santuoka ar sutuoktiniu. Tuomet vaikas greitai imasi patare\u0307jo, guode\u0307jo ar tarpininko vaidmens, nors pagal amz\u030ciu\u0328 neture\u0307tu\u0328 to daryti. Jeigu jam nesiseka atlikti s\u030cio vaidmens, pavyzdz\u030ciui, jeigu jis nepadaro te\u0307vo laimingo, pasijunta kaltas ir uz\u030csikrauna pareiga\u0328 dar uoliau stengtis. Vaikas nesupranta, kad tai ne\u0307ra jo uz\u030cduotis, nes jis tam per maz\u030cas. Jis priima tai kaip savaime suprantama\u0328 dalyka\u0328 ir visam gyvenimui is\u030csiugdo kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cima\u0328.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOKYMASIS IS\u030c PAVYZDZ\u030cIO.<\/strong> S\u030cis rez\u030cimas gali susiformuoti ir \u2192 mokantis is\u030c pavyzdz\u030cio. Z\u030cmone\u0307s, kuriems bu\u0304dingas itin stiprus kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas, vaikyste\u0307je daz\u030cnai gyveno tokiuose namuose, kur visi s\u030ceimos nariai taike\u0307si prie vieno, pavyzdz\u030ciui, prie depresija serganc\u030cios mamos. Kitas papasakotas pavyzdys: \u201ePries\u030c te\u0307ti\u0328 \/ senele\u0328 \/ seneli\u0328 turime nuolat apsimetine\u0307ti, kad esame linksmi bei patenkinti ir ji\u0328 nepaprastai mylime!\u201c Nesvarbu, kaip is\u030c tikru\u0328ju\u0328 jauc\u030ciame\u0307s, turime atlikti numatyta\u0328 vaidmeni\u0328. Vaikas privalo rodyti prielankuma\u0328,
draugis\u030ckuma\u0328, dz\u030ciaugsma\u0328 ir pan., nors is\u030c tiesu\u0328 to nejauc\u030cia. Jei toks z\u030cmogus, jau bu\u0304damas suauge\u0328s, parodys, kad tarpusavio santykiai jam ne visai patinka, gali kilti stiprus kalte\u0307s jausmas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pavyzdys<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ana dirba sesele. Ji visada rami, santu\u0304ri ir geros nuotaikos, tode\u0307l aplinkiniai ja\u0328 me\u0307gsta. Vis de\u0307lto ji pastebi, kad kai kurie pacientai ja\u0328 itin stipriai is\u030cvargina ir sukelia i\u0328tampa\u0328. Tuomet ji ima kars\u030ctligis\u030ckai skube\u0307ti, o jei pacientas vis vien lieka nepatenkintas, pasijunta blogai. Tie pacientai paprastai yra valdingi, kelia didelius reikalavimus. Anos te\u0307tis irgi toks buvo. Kai jo<\/em> nebu\u0304davo namie, gyvenimas atrodydavo graz\u030cus. Bet jam gri\u0328z\u030cus kiti s\u030ceimos nariai kaip i\u0328manydami stengdavosi nesugadinti jam nuotaikos, kad jis neuz\u030csiru\u0304stintu\u0328 ir nepultu\u0328 visiems komanduoti. Niekas Anai neliepe\u0307 to daryti, toki\u0328 elgesi\u0328 ji jau ankstyvoje vaikyste\u0307je nusiz\u030ciu\u0304re\u0307jo<\/em> is\u030c mamos.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kras\u030ctutiniais atvejais vaikas gali patirti, kad situacija, kai jis neatlieka jam priskirto emocinio vaidmens, tampa pavojinga. Pavyzdz\u030ciui, alkoholiku\u0328 dukterys daz\u030cnai pasakoja, kad ju\u0328 te\u0307c\u030ciai, ypac\u030c apsvaige\u0328, tapdavo neprognozuojami, dirglu\u0304s ir netgi griebdavosi smurto. Jei mama negali atsiskirti nuo te\u0307vo, ji daz\u030cnai elgiasi nuolankiai, kad jo nesuerzintu\u0328. Suauge\u0328 tokiu\u0328 s\u030ceimu\u0328 vaikai, me\u0307gindami is\u030creiks\u030cti savo poreikius arba sukritikuoti partneri\u0328, daz\u030cnai patiria miglota\u0328 pavojaus nuojauta\u0328, net jei objektyviai jiems ne\u0307ra de\u0307l ko ru\u0304pintis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

De\u0307l ko i\u0328prastai atsiranda kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Parentifikacija: vienas is\u030c te\u0307vu\u0328, brolis ar sesuo sirgo arba buvo psichis\u030ckai nestabilus, tode\u0307l vaikas anksti i\u0328prato jaustis atsakingas uz\u030c jo gera\u0328 savijauta\u0328.
\u2022 Mokymasis is\u030c pavyzdz\u030cio: maz\u030cas vaikas nuo s\u030ceimos nariu\u0328 nusiz\u030ciu\u0304re\u0307jo, kad, norint i\u0328tikti vienam konkrec\u030ciam asmeniui, reikia laikytis tam tikru\u0328 elgesio taisykliu\u0328.
\u2022 Jei vaikas ar kiti s\u030ceimos nariai numodavo ranka i\u0328 to asmens poreikius ar nuotaikas, jiems kildavo vienokia ar kitokia gre\u0307sme\u0307.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kaip atpaz\u030cinti kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cima\u0328<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pagal s\u030ciuos teiginius galite pasitikrinti, ar jums bu\u0304dingas kaltinanc\u030cio te\u0307vo rez\u030cimas:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Labai stengiuosi i\u0328tikti kitiems, kad tik is\u030cvengc\u030ciau konflikto, nesantaikos ar atstu\u0304mimo.
\u2022 Jei supykdau kita\u0328, vadinasi, esu blogas z\u030cmogus.
\u2022 Verc\u030ciu save elgtis atsakingiau nei dauguma kitu\u0328 z\u030cmoniu\u0328.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bendraujant su z\u030cmogumi, nuolat susidurianc\u030ciu su vidiniu kaltinanc\u030ciu te\u0307vu, kyla i\u0328spu\u0304dis, kad jam visai nebu\u0304tina taip smarkiai derintis prie kitu\u0328, jis gale\u0307tu\u0328 daz\u030cniau prabilti apie savo paties poreikius. Tac\u030ciau tai pasake\u0328 pajuntate, kad pas\u030cnekovas nepriima ju\u0304su\u0328 z\u030codz\u030ciu\u0328, nors nore\u0307tu\u0328 kaz\u030cka\u0328 keisti. S\u030cis be perstojo kaltinantis vidinis balsas daug kuo panas\u030cus i\u0328 pasiekimu\u0328 reikalaujanc\u030cio te\u0307vo priekais\u030ctus.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Daugel\u012f m\u016bs\u0173 lydi tro\u0161kimas keistis. Neretai nujau\u010diame mus erzinan\u010dius m\u0105stymo ir elgesio \u012fpro\u010dius, ta\u010diau ne\u017einome, kaip j\u0173 atsikratyti. Vokietijoje ir Nyderlanduose bestseleriu tapusioje saviugdos knygoje \u201eMetas keistis. I\u0161tr\u016bk i\u0161 neigiam\u0173 m\u0105stymo ir elgesio sp\u0105st\u0173\u201c garsios klinikin\u0117s psichologijos specialist\u0117s Gitta Jacob, Hannie van Genderen ir Laura Seebauer pristato schem\u0173 terapij\u0105, kurios tikslas \u2013 i\u0161mokti atpa\u017einti pasikartojan\u010dius…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":14405,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[2801,203,2798,2800,2799,2797,2796,2319,476],"class_list":["post-14404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-naujienos","tag-andere-wege-gehen","tag-asmenybes-tobulinimas","tag-gitta-jacob","tag-hannie-van-genderen","tag-laura-seebauer","tag-metas-keistis","tag-metas-keistis-istruk-is-neigiamu-mastymo-ir-elgesio-spastu","tag-populiarioji-psichologija","tag-tyto-alba"],"yoast_head":"\nAr jus lydi kaltinan\u010dio t\u0117vo re\u017eimas? Kaip keisti \u012fgrisusius elgesio modelius \u2013\u00a0knyga \u201eMetas keistis\u201c - Knygos.lt blogas<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ar jus lydi kaltinan\u010dio t\u0117vo re\u017eimas? Kaip keisti \u012fgrisusius elgesio modelius \u2013\u00a0knyga \u201eMetas keistis\u201c. Skaityk lap\u0117s m\u0117lynak\u0117s u\u017era\u0161us ir su\u017einokite kar\u0161\u010diausias naujienas i\u0161 knyg\u0173 pasaulio.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"lt_LT\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ar jus lydi kaltinan\u010dio t\u0117vo re\u017eimas? 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Skaityk lap\u0117s m\u0117lynak\u0117s u\u017era\u0161us ir su\u017einokite kar\u0161\u010diausias naujienas i\u0161 knyg\u0173 pasaulio.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Knygos.lt blogas\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/knygos.lt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-03-29T10:13:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-03-29T10:13:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/knygos-blogas.imgix.net\/blogas\/wp-content\/uploads\/New-Project-2024-03-29T120328.784.png?auto=format%2Ccompress\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"940\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"480\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Deimant\u0117\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@knygoslt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@knygoslt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Deimant\u0117\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minut\u0117s\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.knygos.lt\\\/blogas\\\/ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.knygos.lt\\\/blogas\\\/ar-jus-lydi-kaltinancio-tevo-rezimas-kaip-keisti-igrisusius-elgesio-modelius-knyga-metas-keistis\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Deimant\u0117\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.knygos.lt\\\/blogas\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/9d977a8a28d69280baf01cb6c55eeabc\"},\"headline\":\"Ar jus lydi kaltinan\u010dio t\u0117vo re\u017eimas? 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