{"id":12531,"date":"2022-09-23T16:30:31","date_gmt":"2022-09-23T13:30:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/?p=12531"},"modified":"2022-09-23T16:30:32","modified_gmt":"2022-09-23T13:30:32","slug":"florence-given-mano-grozis-ne-tavo-reikalas-knygos-istrauka","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.knygos.lt\/blogas\/florence-given-mano-grozis-ne-tavo-reikalas-knygos-istrauka\/","title":{"rendered":"Florence Given: \u201eMano gro\u017eis \u2013 ne tavo reikalas\u201c (knygos i\u0161trauka)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ar ne laikas mesti i\u0161\u0161\u016bk\u012f atgyvenusiems moters k\u016bno ir elgesio standartams? Tik pagalvok: kod\u0117l da\u017enai pastebi per didel\u012f kitos merginos pilv\u0105 ar per ma\u017eas kr\u016btis? Kod\u0117l dar ar\u0161iau kritikuoji savo pa\u010dios i\u0161vaizd\u0105? Kod\u0117l, i\u0161girdusi kompliment\u0105, da\u017eniausiai numyki \u201ea\u010di\u016b\u201c, bet i\u0161syk imi save menkinti? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Brit\u0173 aktyvist\u0117, iliustrator\u0117 ir socialini\u0173 tinkl\u0173 \u017evaig\u017ed\u0117 Florence Given dr\u0105siai r\u0117\u017eia: gana! \u012ekv\u0117pimo ji semiasi i\u0161 feminizmo id\u0117j\u0173, o knygoje, dalydamasi savo patirtimi bei kand\u017eiomis \u012f\u017evalgomis, kvie\u010dia moteris sekti jos pavyzd\u017eiu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neturime b\u016bti meilios, smulkut\u0117s, gerut\u0117s \u2013 netgi gra\u017eios. Bet privalome pasitik\u0117ti savimi ir palaikyti viena kit\u0105!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Savo debiutin\u0119 knyg\u0105 \u201eMano gro\u017eis \u2013 ne tavo reikalas<\/a>\u201c (i\u0161leido \u201eBaltos lankos\u201c, vert\u0117 Almant\u0117 Rimavi\u010dien\u0117) Florence Given<\/a> \u2013 Londone \u012fsik\u016brusi meninink\u0117, ra\u0161ytoja, aktyvist\u0117 ir socialini\u0173 tinkl\u0173 \u017evaig\u017ed\u0117 \u2013 para\u0161\u0117 ir pati iliustravo b\u016bdama vos 21-\u0173.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kvie\u010diame skaityti velniop visas taisykles siun\u010dian\u010dios knygos i\u0161trauk\u0105.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\u201eD\u0117l n\u0117 vieno \u017emogaus neprivalote b\u016bti gra\u017eios. Nei d\u0117l savo vaikino (sutuoktinio, partnerio), nei d\u0117l bendradarbi\u0173, nei tuo labiau d\u0117l gatv\u0117je atsitiktinai sutikt\u0173 nepa\u017e\u012fstam\u0173 vyr\u0173. Neprivalote tokios b\u016bti d\u0117l savo mamos, d\u0117l vaik\u0173 ar d\u0117l civilizacijos apskritai. Gro\u017eis n\u0117ra nuoma, mokama d\u0117l to, kad u\u017eimate moterims skirt\u0105 viet\u0105.\u201c<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Erin McKean<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0160i citata pakeit\u0117 mano gyvenim\u0105 ir nul\u0117m\u0117 \u0161ios knygos pavadinim\u0105.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Per vis\u0105 feminizmo istorij\u0105 moterys \u012fvairiais aspektais i\u0161nagrin\u0117jo gro\u017eio kaip valiutos koncepcij\u0105, atsirado skirting\u0173 \u0161ios id\u0117jos variacij\u0173. Pavyzd\u017eiui, Naomi Wolf knygoje \u201eGro\u017eio mitas\u201c i\u0161samiai apra\u0161o gro\u017eio standart\u0173 s\u0105sajas su kapitalizmu; Chidera Eggerue, dar \u017einoma kaip The Slumflower, knygoje \u201ePuikus metas b\u016bti vienai\u201c taip pat kalba apie gro\u017e\u012f, kaip ir jud\u0117jime #SaggyBoobsMatter siekdama paskatinti moteris nebijoti b\u016bti netobulas; o transly\u010di\u0173 asmen\u0173 teisi\u0173 aktyvist\u0117 Janet Mock pasakoja, kad prasid\u0117jus virsmui jaut\u0117si \u012fgavusi gro\u017eio privilegij\u0105. Bet knyga \u201eMano gro\u017eis \u2013 ne tavo reikalas\u201c yra mano pa\u010dios interpretacija.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Min\u0117ta fraz\u0117 i\u0161siunt\u0117 mane \u012f kelion\u0119, per j\u0105 perm\u0105s\u010diau savo tapatyb\u0119, pirm\u0105 kart\u0105 \u012fsigilinau \u012f save ir susim\u0105s\u010diau, kod\u0117l, po velni\u0173, atlieku tuos invazinius, brangius, u\u017eiman\u010dius daug laiko ir kartais netgi skausmingus gro\u017eio ritualus. Suvokiau, kaip stipriai mano savivert\u0117 priklauso nuo to, ar man\u0119s geid\u017eia vyrai ir ar esu pakankamai gra\u017ei, kad jie su manimi pagarbiai elgt\u0173si. Bet da\u017eniausiai gro\u017eio pritrauktas d\u0117mesys rei\u0161k\u0117, kad vyrai \u012f mane \u017evelgia kaip \u012f objekt\u0105, o jie negerbia objekt\u0173. Juk i\u0161 objekt\u0173 nereikalaujame atsako, \u2013 tai vienpusis santykis. \u0160tai kod\u0117l jie taip blogai sureaguodavo man atsisakius, i\u0161vadindavo frigidi\u0161ka ir pana\u0161iais \u017eod\u017eiais \u2013 nesitik\u0117davo, kad objektas tur\u0117s savo nuomon\u0119. Moterys yra objektai. Pripa\u017einti \u0161i\u0105 ties\u0105 buvo tiek nemaloni, tiek i\u0161laisvinanti patirtis, bet toks ir yra augimas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u0160i fraz\u0117 taip pat paskatino apm\u0105styti gro\u017eio standartus ir suprasti, i\u0161 ko jis susideda. Kolektyvin\u0117, visuomen\u0117je vyraujanti gro\u017eio id\u0117ja yra paremta odos baltumu, lieknumu, negalios netur\u0117jimu ir lytin\u0117s tapatyb\u0117s sutapimu su biologine lytimi. Tuomet ir supratau, kad mano pa\u010dios gro\u017eis suteik\u0117 man daugiau galimybi\u0173, d\u0117l kuri\u0173 \u0161ios gro\u017eio sampratos neatitinkan\u010dioms moterims tenka daug daugiau dirbti. Ir visai nesvarbu, ar save laikiau \u017eavia, ar ne, pirm\u0105 kart\u0105 gyvenime teko pripa\u017einti fakt\u0105, kad visuomenin\u0117je patrauklumo skal\u0117je atsid\u016briau ant auk\u0161tos pakopos, nes esu liekna, baltaod\u0117 ir neturiu negalios. Kaip moterys, mes nenorime pripa\u017einti turin\u010dios \u201egro\u017eio privilegij\u0105\u201c, nes mus vis\u0105 laik\u0105 mok\u0117 elgtis taip, lyg apie j\u0105 ne\u017einotume, o \u012f komplimentus atsakyti save sumenkinant ir sureaguojant tokiais \u017eod\u017eiais kaip: \u201eNe, nesu, tik pa\u017ei\u016br\u0117k mano\u2026 [pabr\u0117\u017eiant \u201eydas\u201c]!\u201c Kad pripa\u017eintume \u0161i\u0105 privilegij\u0105, pirmiausia pa\u010dios tur\u0117tume save laikyti gra\u017eiomis. Bet dauguma moter\u0173 jau\u010diasi nesaugios, tod\u0117l niekaip negali to pripa\u017einti. Taip patrauklumo privilegija ir toliau lieka nei\u0161sakyta, ir kaip visuomen\u0117 toliau siekiame depolitizuoti tinkam\u0173 susitikin\u0117ti kandidat\u0173 atrank\u0105, lyg ji visai neb\u016bt\u0173 problemi\u0161ka ir priklausoma nuo apk\u016bnumo fobijos, rasistini\u0173 ir seksistini\u0173 s\u0105lyg\u0173.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da\u017enai diskutuojama, ar patrauklumas i\u0161 ties\u0173 yra privilegija, nes gauta nauda yra paremta m\u016bs\u0173 k\u016bn\u0173 objektizavimu, o ne gerbimu. Mano gro\u017eis ne tik paskatino \u017emones geriau su manimi elgtis: d\u0117l jo taip pat patyriau skaud\u017eiausius trauminius \u012fvykius gyvenime. \u017dvelgdami \u012f gatv\u0117je sutiktas gra\u017eias moteris vyrai negalvoja: \u201eJi gra\u017ei, tod\u0117l neketinu seksualiai priekabiauti ir neseksiu jos iki nam\u0173.\u201c Prie\u0161ingai. Vis\u0105 gyvenim\u0105 turiu nuolat b\u016bti budri: nerimauju, kad koks vyras i\u0161ki\u0161 galv\u0105 pro automobilio lang\u0105 ir k\u0105 nors man \u0161\u016bktel\u0117s, ko nors \u012fpils \u012f g\u0117rim\u0105, nupirkt\u0105 man \u201eu\u017e gra\u017eias akis\u201c, o eidama namo visada stabteliu parduotuv\u0117je \u012fsitikinti, kad niekas man\u0119s neseka.
Raktai b\u016bna suimti tarp pir\u0161t\u0173 taip, kad prireikus apsiginti gal\u0117\u010diau jais pasinaudoti, \u0161irdis dau\u017eosi, nuolat \u017evilg\u010dioju per pet\u012f ir bandau pasirinkti saugiausi\u0105 keli\u0105 namo, net jei d\u0117l to reikt\u0173 va\u017eiuoti taksi, \u2013 b\u016btent taip daugeliui moter\u0173 atrodo naudojimasis visuomenin\u0117mis erdv\u0117mis. Negaliu net suskai\u010diuoti, kiek kart\u0173 nor\u0117dama i\u0161vengti vyr\u0173 d\u0117mesio ir d\u0117l beveik kaskart i\u0161\u0117jus pasilinksminti patiriamo seksualinio priekabiavimo svars\u010diau plikai nusiskusti. Bet suvokiau, kad toks poelgis leist\u0173 suprasti, jog a\u0161 pati turiu vengti priekabiautoj\u0173, o ne jie turi liautis priekabiav\u0119.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kai buvau jauna, mane mok\u0117, kaip skai\u010diuoti kalorijas, nustatyti leid\u017eiamo suvartoti maisto kiek\u012f ir atsisakyti tam tikr\u0173 produkt\u0173, bet tuomet niekas nepaai\u0161kino, kaip svarbu nustatyti ribas ir kitiems \u017emon\u0117ms sakyti \u201ene\u201c. Kaip, j\u016bs\u0173 nuomone, supratau, k\u0105 \u0161iame pasaulyje rei\u0161kia b\u016bti moterimi? Man atrod\u0117, kad daug svarbiau b\u016bti geismo objektu, o ne patenkinti savo poreikius ir b\u016bti gerbiamai kaip asmenybei. D\u0117l \u0161i\u0173 yding\u0173 \u012fsitikinim\u0173 ir \u017eemos savivert\u0117s santykiuose patirdavau smurt\u0105, nes netur\u0117jau nusista\u010diusi rib\u0173 ir nemaniau, kad esu verta ko nors daugiau. Tiesiog jau\u010diausi laiminga, kad ka\u017ekas man\u0119s nori.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Da\u017enai sp\u0117lioju, kaip b\u016bt\u0173 susiklost\u0119s mano gyvenimas, jei jau tada b\u016b\u010diau \u017einojusi, kad mano k\u016bnas pirmiausia priklauso man ir tik man vienai, kad mano i\u0161vaizda ir k\u016bnas n\u0117ra skirti kitiems pamaloninti. Sp\u0117lioju, kaip b\u016bt\u0173 susiklost\u0119s mano gyvenimas, jei b\u016b\u010diau supratusi, kad neprivalau d\u0117l kit\u0173 b\u016bti \u201emeili\u201c, \u201etobula\u201c, \u201esmulkut\u0117\u201c ar \u201egra\u017ei\u201c, man geriausia ne b\u016bti besikankinan\u010dia mergina, norin\u010dia tilpti \u012f vyr\u0173 pasaulyje moterims apibr\u0117\u017et\u0105 viet\u0105, o likti savimi ir nepaisyti kit\u0173 \u017emoni\u0173 reakcij\u0173, ir visai nesvarbu, ar bus skirta vietos tokioms kaip a\u0161, ar ne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u0117l taip trok\u0161tamo pripa\u017einimo tik naikinau, slopinau ir menkinau tikr\u0105j\u0105 save, gyvenau siekdama patikti visiems, tik ne sau, bet tikrai nenoriu, kad ir j\u016bs jaustum\u0117t\u0117s turin\u010dios taip elgtis. Nor\u0117\u010diau, kad kas nors b\u016bt\u0173 trenk\u0119s \u0161ia knyga man per galv\u0105, kai visas pasaulio toksi\u0161kumas dar nebuvo prasiskverb\u0119s \u012f mano gyvenim\u0105.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ar ne laikas mesti i\u0161\u0161\u016bk\u012f atgyvenusiems moters k\u016bno ir elgesio standartams? Tik pagalvok: kod\u0117l da\u017enai pastebi per didel\u012f kitos merginos pilv\u0105 ar per ma\u017eas kr\u016btis? Kod\u0117l dar ar\u0161iau kritikuoji savo pa\u010dios i\u0161vaizd\u0105? Kod\u0117l, i\u0161girdusi kompliment\u0105, da\u017eniausiai numyki \u201ea\u010di\u016b\u201c, bet i\u0161syk imi save menkinti?  Brit\u0173 aktyvist\u0117, iliustrator\u0117 ir socialini\u0173 tinkl\u0173 \u017evaig\u017ed\u0117 Florence Given dr\u0105siai r\u0117\u017eia: gana!…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":12532,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,165],"tags":[203,371,2048,2014,23],"class_list":["post-12531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-naujienos","category-psichologija","tag-asmenybes-tobulinimas","tag-baltos-lankos","tag-florence-given","tag-mano-grozis-ne-tavo-reikalas","tag-psichologija"],"yoast_head":"\nFlorence Given: \u201eMano gro\u017eis \u2013 ne tavo reikalas\u201c (knygos i\u0161trauka) - Knygos.lt blogas<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Florence Given: \u201eMano gro\u017eis \u2013 ne tavo reikalas\u201c (knygos i\u0161trauka). 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